The (Canned) Fruits of Their Labor

 

Ours:
You may remember our recent post describing our sons’ initiative to feed the hungry? Well, we are pleased to say that our wonderful neighbors came through in a big way. The boys walked up and down the street collecting donations for the Human Needs Food Pantry, and many folks had dropped off bags earlier in the day or week. We even got a donation from a former neighbor who read our blog!

Over 20 bags of pasta and peanut butter, coffee and cough syrup, fruits, veggies, cereal and tuna fish now fill our living room – waiting to be delivered – and the boys are proud. We are too.

Thank you to everyone who donated!

Blessing – Kids discovering that helping others is a pleasure not a chore, an opportunity more than an obligation.

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Posted in Food | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

When Hunger is Not a Game

 

Hers:
Spring break is drawing to a close, and while we didn’t get away, the boys did get into the city on several occasions. David brought all three kids into Manhattan for a day of adventure (and lunch with Mommy at Battery Park), and the two older boys each spent a day with me at the office. Excellent helpers.

Commuting home through Penn Station, they saw (as I do everyday) several homeless people begging for money or food, and it made quite an impression on our 8-year-old. So much so, that when he came with me to work on Friday, he kept saying how sad he was for the hungry man and took it upon himself to go around the office and collect food from my co-workers to deliver on the commute home.

My middle guy did rather well – a hardboiled egg, a Clementine, a banana, a granola bar, some cashews, a bit of chocolate and a bottle of iced tea. “Will we see the hungry man?” he asked as we headed uptown towards Penn Station at the end of the day. I assured him we would.

I thought about the many hungry people I see each afternoon – the man my son had seen earlier in the week; the woman who holds a sign but looks to the ground, perhaps ashamed to make eye contact with those she beseeches; the woman clutching a baby to her chest, her other arm wrapped around a little boy no older than five. That one in particular kills me and I’ve given money or food, always wishing I’d remember to carry granola bars in my purse. Or a stuffed animal.

As we walked along the underground corridor that afternoon, my son carrying a brown bag filled with food, I scanned the edges. People rushing every which way to make a train, but no one standing idle with no home to go to. Where were they? And was there something twisted about my wishing there were more homeless people so that my son could fulfill his mission? In the distance, I spotted a man sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. He was scratching his leg with a broken pencil. “Are you hungry?” I asked him as we approached.

“What do you have?” he grumbled.

“Food,” I said, and my son held out the bag. He took it and we walked away, towards our train home. I praised my son over and over, telling him that he did a wonderful thing, a mitzvah, and he should be proud. But he wasn’t. He was sad.

“What will he eat tomorrow? And the next day?”

My 8-year-old cried himself to sleep last night thinking about the hungry man, and all the hungry people who have no food or toys or electronic devices. Nothing but a broken pencil to play with. And as I tried to comfort him, I suggested that he and his brothers go around to our neighbors and collect non-perishables to bring to the Human Needs Food Pantry here in Montclair.

“I’m going to go around our street, and then the next street, and then the whole town, and the whole world,” he said sniffling.

And so today, we did. All three boys passed out flyers letting the neighbors know that they will be collecting food next Saturday afternoon. (If anyone here in town would like to add to the collection, feel free to drop off donations on our porch between now and the 28th. Thanks!)

I hope my son never outgrows that dream, or his sadness.

Blessing – We may have gone without a vacation, or new furniture. But we never went without food.

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Posted in blessings, children's questions, Food, life lessons, new york city | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Taking a Cue From the COO of Facebook

 

Hers:
I’m penning this post from the 4:52 train out of Penn Station. Yes, I left work early. And it’s okay.

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, recently went public with the fact that she leaves the office at 5:30, and has ever since she had kids. Back when I was at Ogilvy, 5:30 pm was mid-afternoon – one of the reasons I left a cushy full time job at a big agency when our oldest was born. Yes, Dave and I took a hit financially, but I didn’t know how I could balance motherhood with the kind of hours I had been used to.

Now that I’m back to working in an office, I am really fortunate to be at a company that respects that balance. I’m not usually on a train this early, but I do try to leave each day by 4:45 so that I can make the train that would get me home by 6. I get work done on my commute (and as soon as I’m done writing this post, I will be dealing with work emails.) But I truly believe that the additional 30 or 60 minutes I will have with my children tonight will have a more profound impact than the extra 30 or 60 minutes I might have spent at my desk.

Of course, technology makes this all possible. I am connected at all hours, and have spent many a late night in front of the computer in my home office editing material before sending it to a designer. But leaving the office just before 5 allows me to eat with my kids, and talk to them about their day; help them with homework, and wash their hair.

The night we broke the news to our kids that I had gotten full time work and would be going to the city every day, their first question was, “Does this mean we won’t see you before bed?” I promised them that I would be home.

I started this job wanting not only to prove myself to my new coworkers, but prove to my family that I would be around. I had gotten advice from others to show my commitment to the job by staying late the first few months. Instead, I showed commitment to my family by coming home. And in doing so, I established an expectation – for myself, my company, and my children.

No one is doubting my commitment. Late night emails and weekend strategizing definitely occur. And knowing that I need to leave the office by a certain hour makes me more productive while I’m there.

I may work in the city that never sleeps, but my two younger kids are in bed by 8pm. My first priority is my family. And like Sheryl Sandberg, I’m not ever going to hide that fact.

Blessing – coworkers who will have more respect for me, not less, after reading this

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Posted in children's questions, commute, work before family, work/life balance | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Oy Vey

Ours:

Let us recount the ten plagues of branding gone horribly wrong.

  • Timing – this came to David’s inbox on Thursday. First seder began at sundown on Friday. Who would decide last minute to travel for Pesach? People make their plans for seders much farther in advance, if for nothing else, it takes at least a day to slow cook a brisket.

  • Messaging – the name “Passover” is technically not a direct translation of Pesach (which means “spring”) but rather, refers to the Angel of Death who passed over the houses of the Jewish slaves in Egypt when the tenth and most awful plague descended upon the Egyptians. Who wants to think about an Angel of Death as they board an airplane? (Then again, it could be a direct tie in to the name of their airline – Spirit.)

  • Groveling – Faithful Fares? Really? Amazing that something could be offensive and not make any sense at the same time. Bountiful Savings? An Easter basket overflowing with chocolate is bountiful. A stomach full of matzah (aka – edible cardboard) – not so much.

  • Improper TranslationMazel Tov is shouted at the end of a wedding. It is offered as congratulations to new parents, or to young teens at their Bar or Bat Mitzvah. It is not a phrase spoken at the Passover seder. (“Mazel Tov, Moses! You did such a lovely job leading the Jewish people out of bondage!”)

  • Imagery – The purpose of photography or illustration in an advertisement is to entice viewers, pique their interest, whet their appetite. Matzah type face? See third point above. While they were at it, they could have shown an airplane made of a bloody shankbone and jelly-coated gefilte fish – two other mainstays of the Passover feast. Yum.

Clearly they are in need of some serious help. Because we feel so bad for their pathetic attempts at marketing, we offer this headline as an alternative (to run at the end of the holiday):

Next year in Jerusalem! (Okay, so we don’t fly there. How about Miami Beach?)

Blessing – spending the first night of Passover with wonderful friends

 

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

All Shiny and New

 

His:
On the way to an interview the other week, I noticed my shoes were a little dull. So I stopped in the shoe shine place at the Port Authority Bus Terminal and got a great shine, both for the shoes I was wearing and for my mood.

About mid-way through, the shiner said, “Going to an interview?”

“Actually, yes. Thank you for making me look good for it.”

“So you’re looking for a job.”

“Yep,” I said.

“Well,” he said as he pulled out a neatly folded 8.5 x 11 piece of paper, unfolded it and handed it to me. “Maybe this is something that could work out.”

It was a printout, a bulletin board announcement of a job fair at Yankee Stadium for part-time event staff. Cooks, seating and parking attendants, concession workers, etc. I started to smile at all the goodwill in the world, and how much shinier my shoes now looked, even if I only I could see the difference.

I thanked him for being so thoughtful and gave him a very nice tip for making my day.

Blessing: Lacrosse equipment from last season still fits!

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Posted in baseball, clothes, Economy, interview, job listings, new york city, NYC | Tagged | Leave a comment

You Can’t Take It With You

Hers:
It’s not often you go to a funeral and get a party favor.

But that’s what happened this weekend when we attended the memorial of our dear friend’s partner. Robert waged a valiant battle against liver cancer for a year and a half, but even his optimism and joie de vivre could not keep the inevitable at bay. Robert was a renowned chef with a passion for bringing friends together around a beautifully laid out table and an expertly crafted meal. He also had quite a cookbook collection.

Friends who came to the house after the service were encouraged to take one of Robert’s cookbooks with the hope that every time we prepare one of the recipes, we would think of him and carry on his zeal for sharing good food with good friends. This was one of the most beautiful gestures I’ve ever seen, and got several of us talking. A buddy of almost 20 years (who we rarely see anymore) told of the pocketknife he had gotten from his grandfather when he was a little boy. His grandfather said, “Every time you use this, think of me.” That request didn’t mean much to a 7 year old, but it means something now. To this day, he can’t use the knife without reflecting fondly on that relationship.

It got me thinking – what is the legacy that I will leave? What gift can I pass on that will be cherished by others and spread cheer?

This was the first time we were faced with the loss of a friend’s significant other. It felt very profound, and I hope it’s a long time before we stand next to another friend and mourn his or her life’s love. All the bickering and the pettiness that often accompanies married life – it’s just not worth it. Better to let it go than have it taken from you.

Robert, we will think of you every time we raise a glass of wine and dig into a scrumptious meal. Bon appétit, our friend, and rest in peace.

Blessing – As awful a reason as it may have been, it was wonderful being together again with so many friends from our early days in NYC.

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Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Business Class

His:
How often do you fly an airline and feel like you truly get business done? In coach? With your kids? On a pleasure trip? Having just returned from vacation, I am pleased to report that I had one of my most productive and rewarding business trips. In coach. With my kids.

Some people read (I did) and some write (I did a little). Mostly, though, I was lucky enough to sit next to a well-established and utterly engrossing CEO leadership coach and author, Erica Peitler. We had a wide-ranging and enlightening discussion covering:

  • Myers-Briggs Personality Test – we discussed why knowing the personality of your team is critical for leading properly, and yourself for managing in all situations. She recounted how she made her entire organization take the test when she took the helm of a new division so that she could maximize each individual’s strengths better. For me, we did a quick back-of-napkin test (literally) to hone in on areas that related to my career. Totally fascinating stuff. Readers who know me, can you guess how I scored?
  • Conducting meetings – She encouraged knowing all the personalities in the room of a meeting and telling the “story,” or points you want to make, along the lines of the said personality types. For instance, start with logic/data based arguments if that’s your initial audience (as identified by Myers-Briggs ideally). It was really a lesson in how to win over a crowd or influence them. Even in a large meeting where you do not know everyone, there is an efficient way to tell the story and bring the audience to your point of view.
  • Innovation and experience design – Specifically, how the failed design of pre-printing our boarding pass led to a 15 min wait at the check-in desk (after waking up at 5am). If the agents can’t figure it out, the consumer engagement and protocol for staff needs to be simplified and redesigned. More generally, how consumer experience or user interaction, in all manners of marketing from a small meeting to a campaign, is paramount to success.
  • Marketing in general  – her business, careers in transition, establishing value as a consultant and a prospective employee.

I don’t recall exactly what I paid for the plane ticket but it was worth every penny. Forget inflight movies. All those airline ads touting their “Business Class Service” should offer inflight career coaching.

Blessing: 80 degree days with my folks, and seeing my lifelong friend Bruce and his son.

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Posted in airfare | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

The First Few Weeks

Is this really the same child who now wears skinny jeans and carries a cell phone? Impossible.

Hers:
Everyone has been asking … how’s the job going?

In a word: great. I couldn’t ask for a better group of colleagues – smart, interesting, supportive, fun. And the projects are right up my alley – an environmental awareness campaign, and developing curriculum to introduce kids and tweens to the USDA’s new dietary guidelines.

Yet the emotions I have now are reminiscent to something I felt almost 12 years ago when our oldest was born and I became a Mommy. It was with tremendous excitement that we brought our tiny little chicken home from the hospital, but it didn’t quite feel real. Sort of like I was babysitting someone else’s infant. I don’t remember the exact moment when the transition occurred and it felt like he had always been in our lives. Likely it was gradual, and snuck up on me in bits and pieces over those first few weeks and months. My job feels much the same way – I’m so excited, yet feel a bit like I’m walking in someone else’s shoes.

I imagine for anyone starting a new position – no matter whether they’ve been working in another office for years, or reentering the work away from home world – there’s a period of transition, of getting used to the new routines and assignments and acronyms and systems. And each day, this new normal will feel more, well, normal.

In the meantime, I’m eager to wake up each morning and head to the city.

Blessing – My husband. His support, and presence at home, has made this transition that much easier.

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Posted in babyhood, new job, Office in the city | 3 Comments

Big News

Hers:
They say when one door closes, another one opens. Less than two weeks after Dave lost his job, I got an email from a headhunter who found me on LinkedIn. To make a month-long story short, I am now the creative director at CarrotNewYork – an agency that specializes in creating education outreach programs geared towards kids, parents and communities. We work on behalf of government agencies, not for profits and corporations seeking to motivate a shift towards healthier behaviors – be it in the area of nutrition, financial literacy, environmental protection or peer relationships, to name a few.

It is the perfect job that marries my experience with where my heart is. (Frankly, I never thought – being in the advertising business – that my career could get me into heaven.) Four days in and I’m already tackling some really interesting projects and working with some terrific people.

This is a pretty seismic shift for our family, as I had mostly been working from home since the birth of our oldest over 11 years ago. But change is good.

Stay tuned for more details!

Blessing – Kelly K, the headhunter who saw my LinkedIn profile and thought, “hmm.” Thank you!

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Posted in LinkedIn, new job | Tagged , | 10 Comments

Can We Talk?

His:
While there is the inevitable stress of being out of work, I take solace in a recent quip by Joan Rivers: “The most important thing [is] you cannot show your child you can be defeated in life.”

Granted, the hardships Joan was referring to – the suicide of her husband and her firing from Fox – were far different and tragic, but the attitude and resolve are what Deb and I adhere to. Whether we are optimistic by nature or not, the “face” we show our kids is very important.

The other morning our middle one asked Deb: “Where’s daddy?”

Deb: “In the city.”
Middle child: “Did he get a job?”
Deb: “Not yet. He’s looking.”
Middle child: “I don’t want you to get a job! I want you to be home!”

Clearly, the stress of seeing both of us searching for full time work has manifested itself in a troubling way. Deb, on the verge of an offer, was extra sensitive to such pronouncements.

It’s within this dynamic that we treat our son’s expression of feelings about our situation very carefully. Too much optimism and we risk not sharing some important lessons. Too much gloom and we risk having that combine with whatever anxiety they may already be feeling. The balance is tricky. We are upbeat, positive and use humor in our daily life. We are much more introspective and try to discuss the uglier side of our situation in private  (notwithstanding this blog of course!) But above all, we heed Joan’s advice and we only hope it elicits half the laughter she’s provided all these years.

Blessing: Our wonderful neighbor who babysat for us this past weekend, which made up for the night out we missed thanks to lice a few weeks ago. Thanks, Sarah! You’re the best!

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Posted in children's questions | Tagged , , | 1 Comment