Hers:
It’s not often you go to a funeral and get a party favor.
But that’s what happened this weekend when we attended the memorial of our dear friend’s partner. Robert waged a valiant battle against liver cancer for a year and a half, but even his optimism and joie de vivre could not keep the inevitable at bay. Robert was a renowned chef with a passion for bringing friends together around a beautifully laid out table and an expertly crafted meal. He also had quite a cookbook collection.
Friends who came to the house after the service were encouraged to take one of Robert’s cookbooks with the hope that every time we prepare one of the recipes, we would think of him and carry on his zeal for sharing good food with good friends. This was one of the most beautiful gestures I’ve ever seen, and got several of us talking. A buddy of almost 20 years (who we rarely see anymore) told of the pocketknife he had gotten from his grandfather when he was a little boy. His grandfather said, “Every time you use this, think of me.” That request didn’t mean much to a 7 year old, but it means something now. To this day, he can’t use the knife without reflecting fondly on that relationship.
It got me thinking – what is the legacy that I will leave? What gift can I pass on that will be cherished by others and spread cheer?
This was the first time we were faced with the loss of a friend’s significant other. It felt very profound, and I hope it’s a long time before we stand next to another friend and mourn his or her life’s love. All the bickering and the pettiness that often accompanies married life – it’s just not worth it. Better to let it go than have it taken from you.
Robert, we will think of you every time we raise a glass of wine and dig into a scrumptious meal. Bon appétit, our friend, and rest in peace.
Blessing – As awful a reason as it may have been, it was wonderful being together again with so many friends from our early days in NYC.
That was lovely, Deb. Thank you for sharing. Somewhat related is this: When I was pregnant with my daughter my fingers swelled so much I couldn’t wear my wedding band. So my mother reached into her jewelry box and handed me her mother’s (my Nana’s) wedding ring, a thin gold band that fit perfectly on my newly swollen finger. I still wear it to this day (four and half years later) just behind my own wedding band. It looks and feels great (most people can’t even see it) and I get double the feel-good memories as it reminds me of both my mother and my grandmother.
I thought the same. It was a wonderful gesture by Robert and Terrence. I’m glad I was there early, because it took me several minutes to choose a book thru the tears in my eyes. Seeing you guys, under any circumstances, is a blessing. Let’s not let so much time pass before we do it again. Under happier circumstances.
XXOO
Warren